I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
