The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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