he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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