Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
