His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
