Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
