Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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