Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
