but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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