If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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