i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
