it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
