they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
