Well apparently he's into motor boating.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
