I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
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