did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
