so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
