Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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