My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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