Have you finally orgasmed yet?
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
