i don't like sucking hair
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
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