Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
