Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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