fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
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