I need to stop coming to work sober
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
