Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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