if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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