Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
