You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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