whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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