I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I just blew my weed a kiss
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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