sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
