Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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