At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
you had me at cake vodka
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I have already put on my inside pants.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
