So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Randomize
