My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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