Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
