oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
