Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
