The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
He passed out mid-signature
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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