You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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