so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
