Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
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