her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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