lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
