I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
