We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize