Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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