At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
