dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Randomize
