It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
