Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
