She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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