Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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