He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
