He disabled his match.com account in front of me
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
