fuck your aforementioned shoe
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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