He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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