my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
i've created a new STD.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
