I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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