You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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