I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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