I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
