Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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