I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
