shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
