do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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