That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
It's rum buckets o'clock
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
