Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
