Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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