I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
never play flip cup with pint glasses
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Text me some of your sweat
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