i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Houston, we have a squirter
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Randomize
