he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
