Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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