I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
What drink are we having for lunch?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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