I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
