Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
