u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
